Meet Brookline’s Turkey Terrorist!
Brookline —The rash of complaints about aggressive turkeys in town seems to be isolated to three toms, and police say they plan to take steps to deal with these birds.
Selectwoman Nancy Daly hosted a meeting at the police station with roughly 40 residents who expressed serious concern with these birds. The meeting, which was at times contentious, was also attended by representatives from the Police and Health departments, who said they plan to respond to the problem.
Ed Bloomestein of Rawson Road said he’s a fan of turkeys. They’re constantly on his property, and he sees them mating on his lawn during the spring. But he said there are three turkeys causing a problem, adding that he recently witness the trio attempting a “carjacking of the turkey variety.”
“These three guys are really rogue birds,” said Bloomstein.
Now, I’ve never had a problem with turkeys. I just shake my plastic shopping bag and throw a styrofoam cup at them. But since those are banned in Brookline…
Seriously: a “carjacking of the turkey variety?” What the hell does that even mean? And how out-of-touch with nature and common sense do you have to be to do this?:
Halvorson, who is 64 and five-feet tall, said three turkeys surrounded her and the dominant turkey flew up at her head and scratched her neck, breaking the skin, when she tried to duck.
Halvorson said she didn’t know what to do, until finally a passing motorist stopped, threw open a car door and let her jump in.
So you’ re terrified of a turkey, but you’ll jump into the passing car of a total stranger?
Can you imagine what your parents or grandparents had said if you could call them on the time-machine telephone and say “I’m trapped by turkeys, help!” The nation that tamed the West, ended fascism and brought down the Berlin Wall is now cowering in our cars at the sight of a flightless land bird.
Look, I’m not saying it’s impossible for a turkey to cause some minor damage to an adult, and I’m certainly not saying that people in Brookline should live this way. I’m just pointing out
a) how pathetic you have to be to be afraid of a Thanksgiving entre’ and
b) how even more pathetic you have to be to live in a community that won’t just SHOOT THE DAMN BIRDS.
That is all.
Radio talk show host, columnist for the Boston Herald, stand-up comic and former GOP political consultant.