What Hoax?

I love stories like the Balloon Boy because they tell us so much about ourselves.  If you’re looking for details, I recommend the Denver Post coverage from on the scene. It’s probably the most comprehensive.

One thing this story reveals is how certain we’ve become that everything is a conspiracy.  We Americans, well fed on a diet of “24” superplots, Lifetime TV scheming husbands and reality TV contrivances simply don’t have room for that fundamental Natural Truth:

Stuff Happens.

I’m not saying the Heene’s didn’t launch the balloon as part of a publicity stunt. I’m certainly not saying that the dad—who chases storms, appeared on Wife Swap, and spends his spare time looking for extraterrestrials—isn’t a weirdo.  C’mon, he named his kid “Falcon.”  ‘Nuff said.

But “kook” doesn’t necessarily mean “moron.”  And before you let a balloon you built yourself that’s worth easily as much as a new car just drift off into space, kooks are likely to ask questions like:

• Where the heck will this go? Will it slam into power lines five minutes after I release it? Will it land on a school bus on a roadway and cause a wreck?
• How long will it stay up?  Long enough for the TV cameras?
• If it does, what do I get out of it?  Lots of sales of hot air balloons?  My own “launch your kid into space” TV show? How does this make me money?
• And when my son pops out of the attic, won’t everyone know it was a hoax?

Now, when you’re dealing with “alien hunters,” anything is possible.  But isn’t it just as possible that the balloon just got away, and the dad really thought the kid was on it?

No, I know—you’ve already made up your mind.  “Nefarious, thrill-seeking father uses mind control to guide balloon on media-friendly two-hour ride, then arranges son’s barf-covered media tour!”

UPDATE!  Could this balloon even carry this kid?  Here's the answer from Slate.com:

How much helium do you need? A standard gas balloon—as opposed to a hot-air balloon—requires about 1,000 cubic meters, or 35,000 cubic feet, of helium. (Here's what they look like.) That's about 120 of the tall helium bottles you might find at the party store. To fly a smaller craft, like the experimental balloon that soared around Colorado, you'd need a lot less. A single tank of helium typically lifts about 14.4 pounds. So to lift a 50-pound 6-year-old you'd need about 4 tanks.